SECRET TO HAPPINESS

Sometimes, life if tremendously difficult and complicated.

People stop loving you, they leave, they get sick, they die.

Life plans are disrupted by chaos, financial hardship, tragedy, illness.

Days are spent in loneliness and isolation though surrounded by others.

New parents must balance work, kids, money, kids, work and that leaves no time for each other.

We need counseling, medicine, down time, time away, a house cleaner, a nanny, an understanding spouse, a friend to listen, a different job – something, anything STAT. We need help.

I recall a time recently when despite all of my ‘best efforts,’ I felt lonely, bitter and angry. I kept a mental score card of all the wonderful things I was contributing to family life that had not been appreciated. I spent minutes each day wondering why those close to me were not encouraging me in the way I needed. Blaming others for my unhappiness.

Despite my bitterness, many tears and difficult conversations, I learned something about myself. I learned that NO ONE ELSE IS RESPONSIBLE  FOR MY HAPPINESS. And Frankly, it was time I stopped looking outwardly in blame, anticipation, and realize my life was my responsibility.

I didn’t have time for myself because I didn’t make it.

I didn’t feel whole because I was not engaging in the activities that made me whole.

I felt overwhelmed because I refused to ask for help.

I blamed others/circumstances for not making me happy because that was easier than taking responsibility for myself.

I was cold, bitter and hurt because I thought blame would lead to apologies, and apologies would lead to healing.

I was wrong. On all accounts.

I realized the secret to happiness for me is pretty simple. I need a pen. A journal. Some running shoes. Books. My dog Gracie’s black jowls. Occasionally, coffee or tea. Email free weekends. And about 30 minutes to myself every day.

That’s it. Total cost for happiness is probably around $25 a month, on average. I sign up for running classes. I write prayers in my journal. I read about service, God, and on days when my head needs a break, I read easy fiction. I laugh at work. I stop keeping score. I let things go. I forgive, not for others but for me.

I am watching people struggle. suffer. Live in anxiety and not in joy. I am watching smart men and women expect someone else to take their pain away.

And I want to pull them aside, and encourage them to stop. Stop looking to others for your happiness.

MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF – what makes you happy? Hiking? Mountain climbing? Water skiing? Cooking? Fishing? Reading online sports magazines? Writing?

• You need to make time for these things and ask your friends and family to support you.
• Need a 30 minute break from 2-3 screaming kiddos? Call a friend to come stand in (call me) while you take a short walk, jog, nap, bath.
• Plan a weekly date with yourself – 30 minutes carved out for you. And turn the TV off. That is not time for yourself.
• Sign up for a cooking, yoga, tap dancing class… does not matter what – just do it for yourself.

LET GO – stop keeping score.

• Forgive past wrongs and daily thoughtlessness.
• Just move on. Seriously. It will make you feel better. You will feel lighter. I promise this is for you, not them.

DO SOMETHING NEW – whether it is asking for help or volunteering for the first time, go out of your comfort zone.

• Take a 5k class – or sign up for yoga.
• Meet new people volunteering
• Get out of your house, your comfort zone and do something new.
• Call an old friend and stop waiting for people to call you. REACH OUT. SERVE. NOW.